Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
