...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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