Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
