he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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