I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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