So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I could fuck to npr.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
