New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
