can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
