Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
