He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
