you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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