you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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