my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
