all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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