no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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