Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
