she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
