and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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