She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
then he tried to convert me to islam
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
