Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
