i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
