So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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