There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
