Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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