Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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