the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
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