Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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