My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm always down for nudity.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
