I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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