I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
