Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
