I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
