Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
