Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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