Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
