Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
