I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
