the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
