I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
