All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
