one two three fourrrrnication!
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
