Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
false alarm. still invincible.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
