My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
