She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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