Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
