My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
