the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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