I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
