foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
