bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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