If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
