Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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